{"id":567,"date":"2019-07-19T13:25:48","date_gmt":"2019-07-19T17:25:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/?p=567"},"modified":"2022-02-13T10:01:02","modified_gmt":"2022-02-13T15:01:02","slug":"forever-young","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/forever-young\/","title":{"rendered":"forever young"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Nostalgia is a beautiful danger.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s beautiful like sunlit car rides along winding highways, with faded denim and the smell of warm earth in the air; dangerous like depending on the rearview mirror to drive forward, not realizing that you\u2019re drifting off into the opposing lane of traffic.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>I think the first time I experienced this paradox was when I was 20.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p>After years of idolizing Bob Dylan, I finally bought concert tickets to see he and his band.<\/p>\n<p>Since high school, I\u2019ve hung a Dylan poster behind my headboard. His albums were some of the first of my vinyl collection. His songs were some of the first I learned to play on my guitar.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"padding-right: 10px; float: left;\" src=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/embed\/track\/4yWl0tnEanf3zmZzl9kbQn\" width=\"300\" height=\"380\" frameborder=\"0\">&lt;span data-mce-type=&#8221;bookmark&#8221; style=&#8221;display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;&#8221; class=&#8221;mce_SELRES_start&#8221;&gt;\ufeff&lt;\/span&gt;&lt;span data-mce-type=&#8221;bookmark&#8221; style=&#8221;display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;&#8221; class=&#8221;mce_SELRES_start&#8221;&gt;\ufeff&lt;\/span&gt;&lt;span data-mce-type=&#8221;bookmark&#8221; style=&#8221;display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;&#8221; class=&#8221;mce_SELRES_start&#8221;&gt;\ufeff&lt;\/span&gt;&lt;span data-mce-type=&#8221;bookmark&#8221; style=&#8221;display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;&#8221; class=&#8221;mce_SELRES_start&#8221;&gt;\ufeff&lt;\/span&gt;<\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>So it probably goes without saying that what I had in my head\u2014the 20-year-old Minnesotan hillbilly playing protest songs in dingy Greenwich bars\u2014could not have been further from reality\u2014the (at the time) 74-year-old senile guitarist who monotonously talked through all of his songs and let the band fill in the gaps.<\/p>\n<p>I wasn\u2019t prepared for that extreme of a disappointment, and it was that intense letdown that tore the rose-colored veil. The chill in the air suddenly seemed colder, the grass suddenly more scratchy. His voice more nasally and his personality more dry.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p>And that\u2019s when the beautiful turned into the dangerous. When the idealized image I\u2019d immortalized in my head for so long was suddenly crumbling, aging and fading\u2014much like the singer himself, I hate to say.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p>So I left a concert early\u2014for one of the few times in my life.<\/p>\n<p>. . .<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p>While nostalgia starts as being a frozen time capsule for the good ole days, it quickly becomes a ticking time bomb for our lackluster realities.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s an overwhelming feeling that starts in your heart and distorts your mind, sparked when you think you\u2019ve stumbled upon a treasure of which you can\u2019t bear to let go\u2014even if the culture surrounding you already has.<\/p>\n<p>When we listen to <i>The Freewheelin,\u2019 <\/i>for example, we\u2019re encompassed by the 1960 zeitgeist for approximately 49 minutes, and in those 49 minutes, we aren\u2019t who we are today but instead we are who we think we would\u2019ve been in 1963.<\/p>\n<p>We become attached to these \u201cmemories\u201d we\u2019ve written for ourselves that we can\u2019t ever properly recollect, mainly because we never technically lived them in the first place. And the realization that we haven\u2019t ever lived through these things leaves us wanting more and more\u2014as an attempt to fill the omnipresent void in our annoyingly old souls.<\/p>\n<p>This may begin to explain the overwhelming sense of nostalgia for an era in which we haven\u2019t lived. It\u2019s this feeling of creating memories that we never before would have had. It\u2019s this odd comfort and inclusivity we feel from writing ourselves into another story.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p>This is why I think some of us become sentimental over Seinfeld&#8217;s pilot when we didn\u2019t breathe the breath of life until its finale. Why some of us get more excited over dingy vinyl records from 1970 than CD\u2019s that were pressed during the decade we were born.<a href=\"http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/nostalgia.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-576 size-large\" src=\"http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/nostalgia-1024x830.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"519\" srcset=\"http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/nostalgia-1024x830.jpg 1024w, http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/nostalgia-300x243.jpg 300w, http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/nostalgia-768x622.jpg 768w, http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/nostalgia-1110x900.jpg 1110w, http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/nostalgia-592x480.jpg 592w, http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/nostalgia-444x360.jpg 444w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Maybe we get kicks out of imagining ourselves as other people, as if the life we now have is not our first. Or maybe we genuinely don\u2019t feel a connection to the year of our birth and would rather long for those prior.<\/p>\n<p>All of this evokes a sense of longing for something that once was, but will never be again. It\u2019s a sense of temporary contentment, compartmentalization of a better time. It\u2019s the rich cup of coffee that you want to constantly sip but never quite finish.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s not only sensational, but emotional and futile, because when our preconceptions are shattered, our lives suddenly feel like lies. We feel betrayed by someone\u2014<i>anyone\u2014<\/i> but the most upsetting part is that the person who betrayed us is no one but ourselves. We\u2019ve enabled ourselves to be less in-tune with our own realities, because when looking through a nostalgic lens, everything is rose-colored; everyday was and is a glory day.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Nostalgia is attractive because as opposed to everything else in our fast-paced lives that continue to press forward, move forward and charge on, these are some of the things that are frozen in time and free for the pickings of our own indulgences.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p>. . .<\/p>\n<p>I often feel like I\u2019m the only one silently drowning in her own sentimentality.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p>I look around at Goodwill as I\u2019m holding a mint condition pair of Levis 550\u2019s, wondering why no one else is tackling me for them. I don\u2019t necessarily get attached to the things themselves but rather how they make me feel\u2014what I\u2019m reminded of\u2014and I\u2019ve found that sometimes the only way to satisfy these compulsions is to consume, as compensation for my inability to properly reminiscence.<\/p>\n<p>This would certainly explain why I covet 1990\u2019s Pittsburgh sports paraphernalia on eBay.<\/p>\n<p>Why I&#8217;ve started my personal second-hand library not only for the love of the stories but for the odor of must and moth balls that the books harbor.<\/p>\n<p>Why I buy all my clothes secondhand, and am always in the market for vintage Levi\u2019s.<\/p>\n<p>Why I am more up to speed with 1970\u2019s television than I\u2019ll ever be with the present.<\/p>\n<p>And the saddest, most confusing mix of emotions ensues when these things come to an end; when they inevitably fail us.<\/p>\n<p>When the t-shirt stains.<\/p>\n<p>When the jeans rip.<\/p>\n<p>When the record skips.<\/p>\n<p>This is when the timer goes off, when we have to pull ourselves out of the 350 degree oven before we burn.<\/p>\n<p>I still haven\u2019t found an antidote for this constant state of discontent, but I\u2019m wondering if nostalgia has an underlying motive or purpose, aside from making us feel miserable.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p>I also wonder if there are people out there who truly live for the present, never wondering, hoping or obsessing over the past. I wonder if they\u2019re more at peace than I am, more down-to-earth, more embracing of technology and change.<\/p>\n<p>But I also wonder if nostalgia sparks from this feeling of deep responsibility to prove the relevancy of the things so dear to us, and therein itself preserving both history and our personal identities.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe we listen to <i>Blonde On Blonde&nbsp;<\/i>to prove that Dylan is still an American icon even in his old age. Or maybe we binge watch Seinfeld with our close friends to defend its timeless humor. Or maybe we buy $30 Fuji Film to attest that analog still has a place in a digital world.<\/p>\n<p>If everyone has their niche, their thing, their subject matter, then together the complete story could be told for generations to come.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"padding-left: 10px; float: right;\" src=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/embed\/track\/2bCFKT7w3wwGfCV3cjrjqi\" width=\"300\" height=\"380\" frameborder=\"0\">&lt;span data-mce-type=&#8221;bookmark&#8221; style=&#8221;display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;&#8221; class=&#8221;mce_SELRES_start&#8221;&gt;\ufeff&lt;\/span&gt;&lt;span data-mce-type=&#8221;bookmark&#8221; style=&#8221;display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;&#8221; class=&#8221;mce_SELRES_start&#8221;&gt;\ufeff&lt;\/span&gt;<\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>And maybe, that\u2019s also how our characters are preserved, because the things we\u2019re nostalgic for are often a collection of the things that define us.<\/p>\n<p>Recently, I finished reading Bob Dylan\u2019s autobiography. Just last week I listened to <i>Desire<\/i> on vinyl while cooking dinner. And I\u2019m proud to say that I have an original Milton Glaser psychedelic Dylan poster hung above my bed. In fact, a line from &#8220;My Back Pages&#8221; serves as my Instagram bio.<\/p>\n<p>It appears as though my short-lived disillusionment has warped itself back to long-term admiration. Mind you, this has not happened blindly.<\/p>\n<p>These mementos remind me of that concert two years ago, and the memories of that concert remind me of how I was rudely reacquainted with the constraints of time. That pinnacle moment is what realigned my relationship with not only time, but with aging and with change.<\/p>\n<p>I have to sooth myself of its repercussions by reminding myself that they are all normal accompaniments of life, and uncontrollable consequences of living it well.<\/p>\n<p>While I\u2019m busy being nostalgic for the 1960\u2019s, I inherently become nostalgic for my old self, and I like to greet her from time to time. I like to think about how much she\u2019s changed, and also how much she\u2019s stayed the same.<\/p>\n<p>Because if nothing else, nostalgia plays a role in releasing our present selves from our past selves\u2014in context of our generation, society or zeitgeists. It\u2019s a record of how far we\u2019ve come, and if used correctly, can help guide us along into our futures.<\/p>\n<p><em>Feature photo by Brett Jordan on <a href=\"https:\/\/unsplash.com\/photos\/hlQwEKy_d8I\">unsplash.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nostalgia is a beautiful danger. It\u2019s beautiful like sunlit car rides along winding highways, with faded denim and the smell of warm earth in the air; dangerous like depending on the rearview mirror to drive forward, not realizing that you\u2019re drifting off into the opposing lane of traffic.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":797,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[77],"tags":[55,14,54],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/567"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=567"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/567\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":926,"href":"http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/567\/revisions\/926"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/797"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=567"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=567"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jordanstovka.com\/steepedinsound\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=567"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}