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jordanstovka

I’m exhausted by this pressure to make everythin

I’m exhausted by this pressure to make everything here look pretty, so I’m not putting that burden on myself anymore! I’ve had a lot that I’ve wanted to share, but I’ve been too intimidated by the lie that my words don’t matter if they aren’t connected with a perfectly composed photo. So I broke my self expression down to the bare bones and literally wrote out what I’ve been meaning to say. What a relief.

I think I’ve come to prioritize solitude on my b

I think I’ve come to prioritize solitude on my birthdays in recent years because I want to take intentional time to get to know this new version of myself.
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I never intend on offending anyone by wanting to be alone throughout the majority of my day; for never wanting “big plans.” Frankly, I feel grateful and deserving of all the love in my life, but this is truly a sacred day to pour more deeply into myself than any other.
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The introvert in me prefers commemorating my life in the reflective sense of celebrating my wins and grieving my losses within my own company.
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All this to say: I’m feeling grounded, content and at-home in this 24.0 edition of Me and that’s the best gift I could ever give to myself.

I’m dedicating this year to personal healing: cr

I’m dedicating this year to personal healing: creatively, relationally and spiritually.
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Maybe it’s just my usual excitement for the new year or maybe it’s a result of the intentional reflective time I’ve spent these past few days, but I felt a burst of artistic energy for the first time in months and couldn’t contain it.
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When I thought of “healing” this is the first image that came to mind (originally starting with innocent Band-Aids and then naturally leading to dismembered fingers). It’s pretty gross, but I’m ecstatic to have created something.

As someone who identifies themselves as an illustr

As someone who identifies themselves as an illustrator, sketching for “fun” isn’t usually on my list of pleasurable pastimes, probably because I’ve always viewed it as an assignment due for my Drawing II class rather than a meditative practice of bringing awareness to my surroundings.
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So I’ve recently started casually drawing whatever is around me, whenever I have a spare 30-minutes or so (and apparently I particularly enjoy drawing scenes with power lines and wires)
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The lines are loose, the proportions askew and the perspective warped and that’s really just fine.
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I finally resurrected my blog site that I’d abandoned for about a year now and added the sketchbook tab I’ve always wanted! The link is in my bio if you care to read more about my creative process.
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Happy Monday.

I’ve been overwhelmed with noisy voices echoing

I’ve been overwhelmed with noisy voices echoing in my ears these past five days, asking about my relational status, criticizing my political affiliation and questioning the mask I wear habitually.
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I feel like my thoughts are swimming through syrup as my brain tries to sift it all out, as I’ve been questioning so much about who I am, where I come from, and what I believe.
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In a world that seems especially heavy, my brain is caught up in its spiraling while my heart alternates between swelling with empathy and then bursting with frustration.
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But for two hours I tuned into the meditative flow of mirky water lapping the river’s edge, sharp snapping of twigs underfoot and the itchy rustle of ferns against my skin. The extraneous aggressions aforementioned were swiftly replaced with comforting rhythms of the earth and its Creator.
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I’ve been in the midst of an identity journey this summer—delving more deeply into reflection, prayer and accountability than I ever have previously—and this dose of mindfulness was truly an anecdote to my desperate need of grounding.

Sister, you handled the disruptions to your senior

Sister, you handled the disruptions to your senior year with honesty, wisdom and grace (how fitting) and for that I could not be more proud of the young woman you’ve become. Maybe mom denies that she teared up yesterday morning, but I’ll be the first to say that my cotton mask absorbed the tears that gently rolled down my cheek.
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I debated back and forth about whether or not to make the trip for your socially-distant, pandemic-edition graduation ceremony. I sought advice from close friends, weighed the risks and watched the weather, all to conclude that while maybe it wasn’t responsible to cross state lines for a non-emergency, in my soul it was right.
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We’ve both missed out on a lot in 2020, and I would’ve regretted it my whole life to have added hearing your name announced in an empty stadium and watching you walk across an empty stage to receive a fake diploma to the list.
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We’ll have many stories to tell our future kids, and I can’t wait for the one about how Aunt Jordan surprised you on your doorstep just when you were convinced that she wasn’t making the five hour drive for your high school commencement.
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Congratulations to all Classes of 2020! I hope you recognize how incredible of an achievement education of any level truly is.

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