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Posted in home, lifestyle

loops

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  • posted on January 2, 2021January 3, 2021
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Posted in home, life

well, hi there

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  • posted on May 20, 2020January 3, 2021
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Posted in home, poetry

I sleep until noon

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  • posted on May 16, 2020August 8, 2020
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Posted in home, travel

travels with charley

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  • posted on August 22, 2019January 3, 2021
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Posted in reflective

happy birthday

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  • posted on January 21, 2019August 9, 2020
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It’s funny. I don’t just feel a year older, but maybe 20 or 30. I think I came to this realization after my first doctor’s appointment at the “big girl” office—as opposed to my
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Posted in travel

te amo: nicaragua reflections

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  • posted on January 19, 2019August 8, 2020
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Kids deserve to be kids.  They deserve to laugh. They deserve to play. They deserve to use their imaginations.  They deserve nice things. They deserve good food in their bellies. They deserve
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Posted in travel

el lovo: a support letter

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  • posted on October 3, 2018August 8, 2020
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To my family, friends, coworkers & acquaintances—  As I’ve been walking along my personal journey as a human being, I’ve learned that the Christian life is not easy; it’s not
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Posted in reflective

come back to earth

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  • posted on September 12, 2018August 9, 2020
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Unlike Mac Miller, I’m from the burbs, not the Burgh. However, whenever anyone asks where home is, I’d much sooner say Pittsburgh than Beaver, Pennsylvania. I have a lot of Pittsburgh pride—
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Posted in travel

mambo italiano

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  • posted on September 1, 2018August 9, 2020
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I find myself looking down probably 75 percent of the time. My eyeballs are a magnet for gravel-laden loose change, and I could likely list every imperfection on the tops of my shoes because
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Posted in travel

updated travel advisory – level 3: reconsider travel

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  • posted on July 20, 2018August 9, 2020
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We as a culture have forgotten what it means to connect, to take risks. If an interaction isn’t over wifi we panic, clam up; label ourselves as insecure, awkward or socially inept and opt to
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jordanstovka

I love Lent because I’m comforted by spiritual r I love Lent because I’m comforted by spiritual ritual. What started as giving up hot coffee for 40 days ended with painfully sacrificing my perfectionism, shame and self-criticism. I’ve shed many layers of a Self I never wanted these past few weeks, and just when I feel exhausted of having given up so much, I’m given so much more in its place. 

That’s where this prose stems from. I’m still obsessing over this dandelion motif because I too felt trapped within the darkness of myself last winter, and only recently started breathing in the freshness of who I’m meant to be. While my pathway to healing isn’t over on this sunshiny day, the weight of guilt, obligation and fear I’ve carried for so long are finished. Conquered. Defeated.
There really are dirty, ugly roots underlying ever There really are dirty, ugly roots underlying every beautiful thing: there is usually pain behind laughter, trauma underneath joy and anxiety interwoven with confidence. My least favorite part of the human experience is how we’re all so fearful of judgment to be vulnerable with each other about this reality. I’ve become very well-versed in disguising my shame with perfectionism. I rarely tell anyone that I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night with tear-filled eyes, overwhelmed by the regrets of my past self or by the anxieties of future decisions.
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I don’t know if there’s any research behind this but I’d love to know how much strength it takes for such a dainty dandelion to push through so much sh*t. I’m grateful for the belief that even in the difficult parts of this life, we too naturally grow towards the sun; that even in the dark parts we can’t see, there is something good stirring.
Hi hello the following words have absolutely nothi Hi hello the following words have absolutely nothing to do with this cozy image, but nonetheless they are very important to me:
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I’ve been trapped by the idea that striving to become “more” of anything meant that I had to do so perfectly. I didn’t notice it at first, but the impossibility of achieving that standard swallowed me in shame and self-criticism. But I noticed just recently that the word “more” is realistic. “More” is incremental. “More” is achievable. It is practical. “More” is not synonymous with perfect. It does not mean “full” or even “complete.” “More” is honest. 
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Committing to be “more” loving, for example, “more” patient, or “more” kind does not mean we are instantaneously the idealistic forms of ourselves, making anything less a blunder to our worth. “More” brings with it an acknowledgement of our flaws; an acceptance of our natural tendencies of selfishness and mistakes. The space between “more” and “perfect” that once brought fear and suffocation now brings me such freedom and joy i could cry. I feel empowered to live this life as imperfectly as I can, but with an attitude nothing short of love.
I’m exhausted by this pressure to make everythin I’m exhausted by this pressure to make everything here look pretty, so I’m not putting that burden on myself anymore! I’ve had a lot that I’ve wanted to share, but I’ve been too intimidated by the lie that my words don’t matter if they aren’t connected with a perfectly composed photo. So I broke my self expression down to the bare bones and literally wrote out what I’ve been meaning to say. What a relief.
I think I’ve come to prioritize solitude on my b I think I’ve come to prioritize solitude on my birthdays in recent years because I want to take intentional time to get to know this new version of myself. 
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I never intend on offending anyone by wanting to be alone throughout the majority of my day; for never wanting “big plans.” Frankly, I feel grateful and deserving of all the love in my life, but this is truly a sacred day to pour more deeply into myself than any other. 
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The introvert in me prefers commemorating my life in the reflective sense of celebrating my wins and grieving my losses within my own company. 
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All this to say: I’m feeling grounded, content and at-home in this 24.0 edition of Me and that’s the best gift I could ever give to myself.
I’m dedicating this year to personal healing: cr I’m dedicating this year to personal healing: creatively, relationally and spiritually. 
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Maybe it’s just my usual excitement for the new year or maybe it’s a result of the intentional reflective time I’ve spent these past few days, but I felt a burst of artistic energy for the first time in months and couldn’t contain it. 
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When I thought of “healing” this is the first image that came to mind (originally starting with innocent Band-Aids and then naturally leading to dismembered fingers). It’s pretty gross, but I’m ecstatic to have created something.
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